I had always wanted kids. When I was 35 and single, I went to my doctor to investigate how to go about having a child on my own. He suggested I have all the hormone tests to make sure everything was normal. And then he told me his brother-in-law was single. There was an awkward silence as he realised that was probably an inappropriate thing to say to a patient. Nice of him to think of matchmaking for me though!
I took his advice to have the tests and stored it away for later….then promptly forgot to do anything about it. Meanwhile, I looked through the profiles of sperm donors on the Australian Sperm Donor registry and realised that having a child on my own wasn’t exactly what I wanted. I wanted a family, and more importantly, I wanted someone special to share the whole experience. In the meantime, I would stick with a dog.
Three years later, I decided to move to Sydney. I had dated all the single men in Adelaide and the pickings were becoming decidedly slim. I was entering the stage of dating the ridiculously young or the recently released….from marriage, that is, not prison. You know the guys in their 40’s who have teenage children and are kicking their heels up and having a good time. They are not interested in sticking around to have a baby!!! They’re not even interested in sticking around to have breakfast! It was time to move on. Within 2 weeks of making the interstate move I knew I was getting married. It was one of those “stop looking and you’ll find it” kind of moments. He came with all the red flags attached – recently separated with 3 young children – and yet, he was perfect for me. 16 months later we were married and trying for a baby of our own.
It was exciting and scary at the same time. Could I adapt to being an insta-mum to a 9 year old boy and 2 girls, aged 6 and 2? We have shared care so our lives are pretty full as it is. I think making that leap to having your first child is always a bit daunting, no matter what your situation is. It’s the fear of the unknown. 6 months later it was becoming apparent that it was going to be more difficult than anticipated.